Tour guide trying to attract tourists: Hello! Great bus ride for tourists, only $30!
Girl: I’m not a tourist, I’m a student at Fordham.
Tour guide: Fordham’s in England, you dumb bitch.
–Times Square
*
(six-year-old boy tries to cross street against traffic)
Father, grabbing boy’s hand: Whoa, little man! That’s dangerous!
Six-year-old boy: Daddy, I eat danger for breakfast.
–Ocean & Newkirk, Brooklyn
*
High school-age Jersey girl: So I went on my ex-boyfriend’s Facebook, since his birthday was last week. Only like 30 people wrote on his wall to wish him happy birthday.
Friend: Oh my god. What a loser!
–NJ Transit Terminal, Penn Station
*
Woman #1: Chile? Isn’t that in Mexico?
Woman #2: No, it’s its own country.
Woman #1: Really? All by itself?
–Whole Foods, 14th St
*
Guy selling purses out of a suitcase: Coach, Gucci, Prada! Purses for cheap!
Tourist lady: Are these real?
Crowd of shoppers: (no response)
Tourist lady (louder): Are these real?
Crowd of shoppers: (no response)
Tourist lady: Did you steal these?
–Canal St.
*
Another proud day for America
Man #1: It’s Bastille Day, so viva le France!
Man #2: Screw France, viva Las Vegas.
Random girl: Viva 69!
–Brooklyn Bridge
