Overheard in New York:
Conductor: This is an express, uptown C train. You heard right: an express C train. Next stop: 125th Street. If you need local service on the Upper West Side, please transfer across the platform to the D, as in “Daddy done did it” or B, as in “bad boy Bobby Brown” train.
–C train, 59th St
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Conductor: This is a Brooklyn bound B train. Like bitch.
–B train
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Conductor: We are currently being held in the station because of some other A train fucking us all over.
–Uptown A train
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Conductor: Never give up on life. Keep hope alive. This is 30th Avenue.
–N train, Astoria
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Mother with little girl: Excuse me. My daughter wants to know if you’re a pirate.
Woman wearing bandana: No. I’m just a lesbian.
–Crema Restaurante, 17th & 6th
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Suit on cell: If he doesn’t get me the fucking money, I’ll kill that bitch!
Hobo: How about you give me some money, and I’ll kill that bitch?
–St. Mark’s
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